Cloying Voices
by Petra Megami Assari
Summary: LOTS of cussing. Shonen-ai. Everyone thinks that they know Duo but, in reality, they don't know him at all. His thoughts are not what his face would leave one to believe... and neither are his voices.
1. Cloying Voices : Chapter 01

Petra: Okay, first off, be prepared for this to be very different.  
Kati: Very different.  
Petra: This was a very interesting fic for me to do because of the fact that I don't think I've used as many cuss words in one fic that I've used in one paragraph in this fic.  
Kati: Also, this was a very different way to write Duo, though it definately could work.  
Petra: I started writing this fic just as a way to challenge myself.   
Kati: Pretty much, the only guidelines that were put down was that I wanted to use an idea I had about Duo hearing voices, combine that with another idea about the Zero system giving Duo powers (not necessarily magic), and that Duo couldn't act anything like what most people, including me and Petra, thought he really did act.  
Petra: Even if it was sorta difficult, I really enjoyed writing this fic because it was such a challenge. I usually had to read the whole thing before I could get my mind in the right mindset and I even had to go back and add in some "fucks" because I didn't think it sounded right...   
Kati: So, I hope you enjoy this as much as we enjoyed writing it.  
Petra: And remember, this is supposed to be different.  
  
DEDICATED: To Trowa; for no reason than because he's Kati's favorite and I think he'd be good to/for Duo. (Kati: Trowa... *drool*)  
WARNING: 2x3 Lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots of cussing. Get the point. As in, fuck, a lot! If you have extreme hatred of that word, do not continue... Also... Duo isn't who you think he is. I would say OOC but... it's possibly he's really like this... not very possible... but possible enough... Also, I possibly screwed up the timeline, since I can't remember if Duo or Trowa went into the Zero system first and I'm sure they weren't all together when it happened...  
DISCLAIMER: I don't own these characters, I just make them dance! *evil laughter* (the five boys cower in fear)  
  
-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._  
  
Cloying Voices - Chapter 01  
  
"some people wear their smile   
like a disguise   
those people who smile a lot   
watch the eyes   
i know it 'cause i'm like that lot   
you think everything's okay   
and it is   
'til it's not." -Ani DiFranc; outta me, onto you  
  
-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._  
  
{Kill yourself… Just let everything go…} I stiffen as, once again, those little fucking voices come unbidden into my mind; this time, as I'm in the kitchen, chopping up carrots. The knife glints in the dull light and I have the sudden vision of the metal slowly cutting into my skin, red warmth trailing down my arm and onto the floor. I blink and the vision is gone but not the fucking temptation, the knife still glints in the light, almost as though it laughs at my fucking pathetic attempts. I take a deep breath and set the knife down. {What the hell are you doing?!} the voices scream at me in rage even as I turn my back on the enticing silver. {That is peace! That is fucking happiness!} I walk over to the sink and turn the cold water on, catching the cool liquid in my hands and splashing my face with it.   
  
Slowly, the voice begins to fade into the background. 'Shinigami, you sick little fuck,' I think, 'You don't have me yet.' Then I go back to chopping up the vegetables. As I pour them in the soup, the pleasant smell wafting up, I contemplate what would happen if any of the other pilots found out about the cloying voices, the fucking voices that somehow sound of death and decay. Carefully, making sure not to nick myself in my haste, I wash the knife and put it in the drawer and, as I close it away, the damn voices claw at the back of my head.   
  
"Duo?" a voice asks behind me, and I realize that I have been standing in front of that drawer for a least five minutes. Fuck.   
  
"Yeah?" I ask, turning with a smile toward Quatre. He looks at me a moment but not even Mr. Empath himself can get past the damn happy façade on the surface and soon he smiles back. Pathetic little fuck.  
  
"I was just wondering what's so interesting about the counter…"  
  
Well, isn't he cute? By the way, people, that's fucking sarcasm! "I was just thinking." Before he can say anything else I continue on, "Why don't you get the other pilots? Dinner's ready." He nods with a smile before leaving and the smile melts from my face as soon as he's gone. Goddamn, I hate every single one of them. I hate Wufei's goddamn fucking justice that doesn't exist; God, I can't wait till the day when I get to see the crushing realization that what he's believed in all his life isn't real. Heero, I just hate that bastard. He's so… self-righteous, as though everything he does is good and everything I do is bad. Really? Yeah, well take your goddamn self-righteousness and shove it up your ass, along with the stick that's already up there! Then there's Quatre, perfect little billionaire "nothing-can-touch-my-purity" pussy boy! God, I would love to take that innocence away, just kill it in one brief interlude of sweat and sex. If you couldn't tell by now, I am one sick little motherfucker. Guess what? I don't give a shit about them or you, so fuck off.   
  
Trowa, though, ah, I like Trowa. He's the only one who doesn't judge me, the only who doesn't look at me and think that just because I act as I do that I think everything's a joke… I take that back. I do think everything's a joke; I just don't think most people realize that what I think is funny wouldn't be thought of as funny by most other people. That's all right, though, I'm used to not pleasing people; hell, I never tried, did I? Trowa, he's seen fucked up shit, just like me. I think he's been through the same sort of crap that I've been through, too. If I were to open up to anyone, he would be the one I would open up to; just too bad I don't plan on opening up to fucking anyone. Hear that laughter? That's mine and, yes, it's entirely insane. The strangest thing, though, is that the cloying voices like Trowa also. As if me liking him weren't fucked up enough, even the voices inside my head like him! Doesn't that just crack you up?  
  
Speak of the damned devil; here he is now! He nods at me and then sits down, waiting for the rest of them to get here. I continue to look at him as the voices in my head stop their damned yammering over the knife. Funny, I've never had someone who could quiet the voices before. I don't know why, exactly, they quiet with him but I think I have a guess. I think that the little bastards see him as someone just like me. I've tried asking them but they just laugh at me and then show me images of the many beautiful ways I could die and end my fucking pathetic existence. Don't think those images weren't tempting either; they were far more tempting than any candy I have ever been offered.  
  
Soon, the anal-twins (Heero and Wufei) and the innocent-fuck (process of elimination, people!) join us and I pass out their meal. I love cooking. I really do. I just don't like cooking for these fucks, because these bastards don't understand the present I'm giving them… except Trowa, he always smiles at me after he's done and before he leaves. Quatre's too used to having four-star cuisine to get his pansy ass out of his high seat and realize that I'm a fucking great cook and the anal-twins don't give me so much as a grunt.   
  
You may ask why I even hang out with the three great dicks if they're so fucking anal-retentive but, what can I say, I like pain. It gives me a sick pleasure but hell any kind of pleasure for me is a special treat. Plus, a part of me keeps hoping one of the anal-twins will finally crack and snap my goddamn neck; what can I say, I have a death wish. Plus, Heero's great for a violent fuck in the sack. You haven't had sex till you're biting each other and fighting, I mean seriously fighting, for top. Last time the fucker almost broke my arm. It was great!   
  
Jesus Fucking Christ! I've been quiet for three whole minutes and now the three great dicks are looking at me as if I were nuts. One of the voices laughs inside my head. Oh, if only they knew. I start to talk and inside my head my voices laugh at my pathetic façade.   
  
-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._  
  
IMPORTANT NOTE: For those of you that wish it, DUE TO MY SPORADIC postings, I am offering you, the readers, A MAILING LIST to sign up to. When I finally UPDATE, I will SEND OUT AN EMAIL informing those of you that are on the list that I have finally updated. I need you to EMAIL me, telling that you wish to sign up, and whether it's for ORIGINAL FICTION or FANFICTION. I WILL NOT accept those people that ask to be up on it in a review because I can't be sure that email is real. The mailing list will ALSO OFFER the TITLES of those works that I am posting, the COUPLES (if any) that are in it, which FANDOM it is from, and whether it is a SEQUEL to anything.   
  
-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._  
  
Petra: So... I'm a little scared to ask but, what did you think?  
Kati: Well, look on the bright side, Pet-chan... at least you'll finally get your first flame.  
Petra: *laugh* I'm sure no one would do that. What'd you think? Seriously, tell me really. Remember, though, that I don't really think that this is how Duo really is either, but I did it because I think this is really how he could be and because it would be a challenge.  
Kati: So... review! Let's hear your thoughts!  
  
"I dream of a day when I can open my eyes, and my dreams won't disappear."   
-Rose Marie Ledam  
  
~Petra Megami Assari~  
*The Gentle Tiger Goddess* 


	2. Cloying Voices : Chapter 02

Petra: Well, here it is, second chapter.   
Kati: Sorry to say, it's actually fairly short and there's very little actual plot going on.   
Petra: Mostly, it's just Duo cussing and telling you, the reader, off for thinking things you might or might not be thinking.   
Kati: Kinda pointless...   
Petra: But ever so Duo...

DEDICATED: To Duo, because daaaaa-yahm! (Kati: rolls eyes)   
WARNING: Cussing, again, lots of it. Self-injury/cutting. More cussing. Talk of sex in what some might consider a lewd manner. ... Did I mention cussing?   
DISCLAIMER: See previous chapter. (Petra: I am runnng out of ideas people... Kati: Obviously...)

-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-

Cloying Voices - Chapter 02

"Pink ribbon scars / That never forget / I tried so hard / To cleanse these regrets." -Smashing Pumpkins; Today

-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-

NOTE: Though I never come right out and say it, Duo has DID (Dissociative Identity Disorder), more commonly known as MPD (Multiple Personality Disorder). The difference between DID and other mental illnesses, is that with DID the alters (other personalities) are completely developed other alters. They can have different tastes, different illnesses, and even different parents. They are completely seperate people than the birth person, though they all share the same body. People with DID can usually see their alters, at later stages in their developments. Dissociaters can have anywhere from 3 alters ('The Three Faces of Eve') to over 91 alters ('When Rabbit Howls'). Please note that I wrote this story without doing an actual research on DID and I now know much more. However, due to the fact that every case is different, this might be an accurate description of DID. Some Dissociaters "blank out" when an alter is in charge ('Sibyl') while others can can hear them and think that they are their own thoughts ('When a Rabbit Howls'). There are probably other ways too, that I'm unaware of. I'm sorry if this is terribly long (and there was even more I wanted to put) but DID is incredibly interesting and I've been reading all I can get my hands on.

-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-

I lean my head back and let the water wash over me, down my hair and all over my body. The voices are silent again, enjoying my shower with me; one of the two indulgences that I do allow myself to have is a long shower. The anal-twins would say that I also let myself sleep in, but in reality, I stay awake while they're sleep so that I can have a few precious hours to myself. I actually get far less sleep then any of the others. Usually, I average three to four hours and, usually, that's all I need. Maybe the anal-twins and innocent-fuck would stop needing to sleep so much if the bastards would just stop their energy-wasting denial, would just admit that this is who they are. Fuck, I'm honest to fault and most people don't like that but hell, I don't lie to myself so why should I lie to anyone else?

Sighing, I reach down and pick up the razor blade and, almost immediately, the voices start clamoring again. This time, though, they're different; they're clamoring in anticipation. Carefully, contemplating my body from memory, I make a decision and, closing my eyes, I make a smooth cut right at my hipbone. Complete silence. Even with Trowa the voices aren't this fucking silent. I mean, when I say silent and I talk about them, it usually means that they become just a quiet murmur but… oh… When I cut myself I get complete and utter silence. It's strange but exceedingly damn beautiful and I allow myself to get almost drunk off the complete lack of noise. I look down and watch as the blood runs down my side and then I turn off the water, taking a cloth I already had prepared for this, and pressing it against my wound.

No one has ever caught me at this and, unless some unfortunate fuck walks in on me, no one ever will. I'm exceedingly careful that I never give myself too many wounds in one certain place. I have cut myself on my legs, my arms, my waist, my chest, and even the small of my back. I'm careful to make sure that if anyone sees them they think they are just regular wounds… or as fucking regular as a Gundam pilot's wounds can get. Why the hell do I do it? It helps to know that there's something that hurts fucking worse than the pain inside. Plus, it shuts those fucking voices up.

The only other thing that I allow myself to indulge in is my hair. If you don't know what the fuck I'm talking about then take another look, you'd have to be blind to miss it and, even then, it would be kind of hard. I mean, c'mon, the damn things at least a meter long. My hair is very special to me, trust me, you don't want to learn that the hard way. The last fucking bastard who touched my braid found me cutting them in several hundred different places and then leaving him to slowly, and I mean slowly, bleed to death. Get the fucking picture? No one touches the goddamn braid, not even whatever fuck-buddy I manage to pick up.

Oh, you don't like my way of saying "bed partner"? Do I look like I give a flying fuck? I say it like it is and I'm not going to mince words for you or any other bastard that reads this. They are buddies (as in guys) that I fuck (as in screw silly). Oh, and if you have a problem with me sleeping with guys, don't tell me. Why? Do you really want to find how scary I can really be? That's right, I didn't think so…

-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-

IMPORTANT NOTE: For those of you that wish it, DUE TO MY SPORADIC postings, I am offering you, the readers, A MAILING LIST to sign up to. When I finally UPDATE, I will SEND OUT AN EMAIL informing those of you that are on the list that I have finally updated. I need you to EMAIL me, telling that you wish to sign up, and whether it's for ORIGINAL FICTION or FANFICTION. I WILL NOT accept those people that ask to be up on it in a review because I can't be sure that email is real. The mailing list will ALSO OFFER the TITLES of those works that I am posting, the COUPLES (if any) that are in it, which FANDOM it is from, and whether it is a SEQUEL to anything.

-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-

Petra: Remember, it's Duo calling you a bastard, not me.   
Kati: laugh   
Petra: Shuddup! They'll come after you too, you know.   
Kati: Sure they will... laugh   
Petra: To tell all truth, I found that I actually like this Duo very much. He's the kind that could grow on me.   
Kati: He's ill-tempered. Foul-mouthed. Mean-spirited... Of course you like him, he's you!   
Petra: I'm going to ignore that until I'm away from witnesses... Anyways, there's an allure to him, don't you think? ... ... ... Okay... maybe not...   
Kati: Also, don't forget to check out our site. Not much up there but... shrug It's still worth a visit.   
Petra: Email us and tell us what else you want to see.   
Kati: And, for those of you that put up with Petra and Duo's bad habits... Thanks:

BUDDHASTAR: Yeah... I, myself, still find it very different to read. laugh It was also one of the hardest to write because I was never sure if I got the way he talked right or not. I'd go back and put more "fucks" in and then take some out and then put some in because I was never quite sure if it sounded like too much or too little. laugh   
DRAGEN EYES: Sounds like you...? Um... Wow... So how come you never told me that you were a DID patient that pilots machines of mass destruction all the while sounding like a druken sailor... ... laugh Just kidding. What way you do you mean he sounds like you? Like, as in, you cuss that much? Or in the fact that he's really sarcastic...? Or what...?   
SELETUA: laugh Maybe you have been listening to Eminem a lot lately... or maybe I'm just not around that much cussing... shrug I don't know, maybe I'm weird. (Kati: Thanks!) Yeah, ditto that! And... well... the idea is still going... it's just taken us a while to get it out. ;;; sigh I know what you mean about the 2x3 pairing! laugh I'm totally addicted to it but there really aren't that many great fics out there for me. Check out my recommendations page at my website. There'll be some 2x3 pairings in there, though I'm not sure how many... Trowa is one of those characters that... well... I'm not too sure I can write. There are some AWESOME writers out there though. If you want to email me, I'd be happy discuss it more with you! Whatever. Also, I know how you feel about the traditional pairing. I can stand them as a background couple... but, I dunno... shrugs Actually, this is strange, I know, but I prefer Quatre to be paired, if with anyone, Wufei. Strange, ne? But not really if you think about it... I mean, they're both aristocrats. They have a lot in common... and this got really long. So I'll stop. Feel free to email me, if you want some good stories with 2x3 or even just Trowa in them.   
REMUS LUPIN: Well... I guess compared to how long the rest of the people have been waiting for the next chapter, I'm updating "soon" to you. --; I know, I know, I'm sorry.

"I dream of a day when I can open my eyes, and my dreams won't disappear."   
-Rose Marie Ledam

Petra Megami Assari   
The Gentle Tiger Goddess


	3. Cloying Voices : Chapter 03

Petra: Whelp... here it is.  
Kati: Yep. 

DEDICATED: To Quatre... Mostly just because I feel bad about what Duo does to him... and I don't think he appears at all in the rest of the fic, so... shrug WARNING: Cussing. Lots and lots of cussing. Lots of anger. Bullets flying due to said anger. More anger created by said bullet. Fun, all around, topped off with a nice dose of cussing. laugh  
DISCLAIMER: See Chapter 01.

_**IMPORTANT! PLEASE READ MY MY PROFILE FOR IMPORTANT INFORMATION!**_

-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-

Cloying Voices - Chapter 03

"Insanity -- a perfectly rational adjustment to an insane world." -R.D. Lang

-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-

So, by this point you're probably wondering what the fuck the point of this story is. Does it have to have fucking point? Does it really matter? Do you really give a rat's ass? Ah, I'm just fucking with you; yes, this story does have a point… or as much as a story can have a point. In truth, it started that damned day after that dinner and that shower; that was when something inside me was torn open. That day after I was introduced to the Zero system for the first time and something happened. I don't remember much of that day except that I kept chanting "fuck" over and over in my head from the pain.

When I got back to our hideout it was late and I managed to get back to my room without being stopped. Now that I look at it, that was pretty fucking lucky. Usually Quatre's up waiting for me but, maybe, just this once, something actually went right. It's strange that I didn't realize there was something fucked up with me till I saw myself in the mirror; I mean, you'd think you'd noticed if you suddenly shot up five inches and your hair is now down to your thighs. Strange, ne?

"What in the… Fuck!" I practically screamed, all but scrambling to the mirror, pressing my hands against the cool, smooth surface. "Oh, God dammit to hell and back, what the fuck is this!" I think at that point I got a little hysterical; isn't that hilarious, Duo fucking Maxwell getting hysterical? "Whoever's fucking with me had better the fuck stop!" I screamed, not caring that I was probably waking the other pilots.

My hair was only very loosely wrapped in the braid, since it had grown so much, and I thanked the fuck they called God that I always wear slightly too big clothes. My eyes had gotten paler and now looked almost lilac and… oh… "WHAT THE FUCK!" I yelled, looking at the long silver-white streak that shone in my hair. "Son of a fucking bitch, someone's going to fucking pay…"

A body crashing into the door broke me out of my thoughts. "Maxwell!" Wufei's voice called as he pushed against the door. "Maxwell, are you okay?"

"Peachy! Fucking! Keen!" I yelled. "Now leave me the fuck alone!" When this only persisted in him lunging at the door again, I called out, "If you don't fucking stop this now I swear to all that is holy that I will fucking shoot at the door! Now fucking stop it!" There was a long silence at the door and then a gentle knocking. Oh fuck it, now the damn pussy!

"Duo, are you alright?" Quatre asked and I could practically picture him leaning his ear against the door.

"I told you I'm fucking fine! Now leave me the fuck alone!" Can you tell I was starting to get seriously fucking pissed? You can? Well, they apparently couldn't get it! Agitated, I pulled out my pack of cigarettes and lit one up. Yes! I fucking smoke! I know it's goddamn awful for you but I doubt I'll live that long, so what do I care? So fuck off!

"Duo," Quatre said, with another gentle knock. "We just want to know if everything's all right. You're not acting like yourself…"

I laugh and I imagine what Quatre's thinking as he hears my laugh, a laugh without any sanity. "Listen, you little fuck, you don't know a goddamn thing about me! You don't know who the fuck I am or what I fucking act like! If you fucking can't deal with the truth stay in denial but go and do it somewhere fucking else!" I take a long drag on my cigarette. I'm trapped in some nightmare where pansy boy won't leave me the hell alone and I've suddenly aged five years and my eyes are lighter and I have a FUCKING WHITE STREAK IN MY HAIR!

"Duo…" I can hear the worry and, without any hesitation, I take out my gun and shoot at the door. I hear a cry of pain as my bullet apparently finds my mark.

"Do you get the fucking point now? Leave me the fuck alone or next I shoot to fucking kill!" Silence is heard and then I hear two pairs of footsteps walking away, dragging another one behind them. That accounts for the innocent-fuck and the anal-twins but what about…

"Duo…" Trowa says, lightly knocking.

"Didn't you hear what I fucking said!" I scream and I suddenly realize that the voices are clamoring in the back of the head. Strange, I hadn't really noticed the little bastards before… Hurriedly I take another long drag on the cigarette. I think I need to start smoking more…

"I know, I just wanted to say that my room's always open but you should be wary of Heero and Wufei." I can hear the laughter in his voice as he says, "I think you pissed them off." I smile; yeah, Trowa and I are a lot alike… but back to the problem.

I turn to the mirror and stare in it as I blow smoke at my image. I don't fucking understand. It doesn't make fucking sense… and then I realize something else that's fucked up. I never locked the goddamn door…

-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-

IMPORTANT NOTE: For those of you that wish it, DUE TO MY SPORADIC postings, I am offering you, the readers, A MAILING LIST to sign up to. When I finally UPDATE, I will SEND OUT AN EMAIL informing those of you that are on the list that I have finally updated. I need you to EMAIL me, telling that you wish to sign up, and whether it's for ORIGINAL FICTION or FANFICTION. I WILL NOT accept those people that ask to be up on it in a review because I can't be sure that email is real. The mailing list will ALSO OFFER the TITLES of those works that I am posting, the COUPLES (if any) that are in it, which FANDOM it is from, and whether it is a SEQUEL to anything.

-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-

Petra: And there it is.  
Kati: Wish we could say more but we're kinda hoping to get this out tonight.  
Petra: Thanks to all those that reviewed:

DRAGEN EYEZ: laugh I think everyone feels like this sometimes. Just angry and frustrated and screaming on the inside. Gawd knows I do. SIVY: Yay! Finally, someone I can actually say that I please. I am updating within the year. dances  
AREDHEL TASARTIR: Ooo... lookit you. You can speak Finnish. Fuck you.  
KIMPATSU NO HOSEKI: Thanks. I know I enjoyed writing something so different from my other writing. Soon counts if it's within a year, right? laugh  
AREDHEL TASARTIR: First off, no, I'm not Finnish and I can't speak/read it. I actually had no idea my first name was Finnish; I chose it as a pen name because I liked the meaning of it (the meaning is "gentle tiger"). Second, if you'd looked, the last two names are Japanese, so you should be more careful next time you think someone might be Finnish because of a name; especially when the person is American. However, as to what you wrote about, thank you very much. Don't worry, you'll be seeing the pilots' reactions soon because, yes, they will be finding out.  
KIMPATSU NO HOSEKI: Thank you very much for the review. I hope that this counts as soon... Heh. ;  
FORG0TTEN LOVE: Best friends are great, aren't they? I'm glad you have yours. I hope you enjoyed my other stories, though I'm sure you found them very different than this one.

"I dream of a day when I can open my eyes, and my dreams won't disappear." -Rose Marie Ledam

Petra Megami Assari The Gentle Tiger Goddess


	4. Cloying Voices : Chapter 04

A/N: All author's notes will now be found after the story.

DEDICATED: To Shin, Hel, and Solo... If I could have named the voices in my head, this is what their names would be. (Kati: sticks out tongue)  
WARNING: Cussing... though if you're still here, I doubt it bothers you all that much...  
DISCLAIMER: See Chapter 01.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Cloying Voices - Chapter 04

"This is what happens when God gets high." -Swimdraconian; Circular Reasoning (HP)

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

QUICK NOTE: I am looking for a beta. If you are interested in either Harry Potter slash fanfiction or Sailor Moon fanfiction (currently, I have no plans to write anymore GW fanfiction, although nothing is laid in stone so that may change) please email or PM me. Thanks!

Two days later I haven't come out of my room and I've been magically calling food in and out when I need it. It must be really pissing them off that they seem to be missing me. I laugh again and the voices laugh along with me. Oh, they like this newfound gift that I have; they really fucking like it. It's actually kinda fucked up how much they like it. By the way, I figured out the little fuckers' names. It seemed that my powers opened up my mind and I can even see them now. I think they're a little saner because, now, when they see something sharp they don't start yelling at me anymore. Obviously, though, I've gotten more insane; I mean, come on, I'm seeing the cloying voices now! It's a sad, sad day when the fucking voices in your head are saner then you are!

Solo was the first one I became aware of when he started cursing Wufei to hell after one particular angry yelling match between us through the fucking door. Wow, and does he have some colorful curses, which I willingly borrowed and used against the anal Chinese pilot. We had a good laugh about that and that's when I saw him for the first time. I turned around and, suddenly, there he was, sitting on my bed. He looked like me except that his eyes were a dark violet that appeared almost brown and his hair was cut very short, sort of military style, and a bleached white-blonde. A baggy over-washed shirt that's color had completely disappeared hung off him and pants that were far too big pooled around his feet, despite the fact that he was sitting. I liked him instantly. We complained about Wufei for a while until the innocent-fuck came upstairs to try to get me to come out, at which point he disappeared, but not before laughing at me! Bastard, I remember thinking, but not without a hint of warmth.

I didn't realize that there was more than him until I was on the computer and trying to hack into an Ozzy's account so that I could transfer all the funds to an account of mine. A soft voice whispered something and, startled, I did as it said and found that I got in with no problem. I looked up and found a girl sitting on my desk. She, also, looked just like me which, I must say, was exceedingly fucked up. I mean, you haven't had a really fucked up day till you see what you would look like as a girl. Now THAT is fucked up. Her red hair was pulled into a haphazard bun that looked as though it would fall out at any moment and her violet eyes were tinted toward blue and were a soft color.

I loved her, the moment I heard her talk. She reminded me of Sister Helen and it didn't surprise me in the least when she said that's her name was. She looked like a businesswoman, in a cream colored blouse and a green skirt. When I asked her if her and Solo were the only voices she smiled a secret smile and replied that there was one more and that I would really like him. Now, that fucking worried me.

I didn't meet him till today, when I was just about to send a fucking knife back with the apple-core to the kitchen. Just, all of sudden he picked up the knife and told me just cut myself and get it the fuck over with.

"Oh, so you're that one," I said, looking at him without taking the knife. "My fucking favorite."

He laughed but it was cold and cynical. "Yeah, your favorite." He was beautiful, as I fucking imagined death would be, and his skin was extremely pale. His hair was a dark black and fell to his shoulders, floating around his face in a mysterious way, almost hiding dark violet, almost black eyes. He wore simple black pants and a black, short-sleeved shirt, with which I could see a thousand scars running up his arms, cuts which he had apparently made. Huge wings stuck out behind him and I knew instantly who he was.

"Shinigami, ne?" I asked. "No fucking way…"

A loud bark of humorless laughter tore out of his throat. "You know me well, Duo," he said, his eyes hooded. "But then, you dance with me every day, don't you."

I laughed, also, and the two other voices joined in as I fucking realized that I was sitting in a room, all by myself, talking to one of the cloying voices that regularly tried to make me kill myself. He smirked, as though hearing my thoughts and, since he was, in actuality, me, I was sure he did. "I do dance with you, on and off the fucking battlefield."

"Which reminds me, when you are going to blow a hole through the other pilots? I keep waiting and you keep disappointing me," Shinigami said, leaning back, a creepy smirk on his face. The sad thing was that I recognized the smile; it was the one that I wore in the cockpit.

I laughed again, at that, and replied, "Probably not till the war's over if ever."

"Damn," he said, but I could see a definite sparkle in his eyes. "However, Heero on the other hand, that is man worthy of being a soldier with you."

My head was suddenly filled with rather descriptive pictures of Heero and I fucking. "Listen, Shin," he glared at me and I couldn't help but think that Heero's glare looked pathetic compared to that. "Heero makes a good-fuck buddy but if I ever got into a relationship with him, one of us would end up blowing the other's fucking head off!"

Shinigami laughed at that and disappeared, whispering as he did so, "And would that really be such a bad thing?" Great, Death wants me to get into a relationship with the fucker in spandex so that one of us will kill the other. Life fucking sucks.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

For those of you that are interested, I still offer a mailing list. Joining the mailing list comes with many benefits. I will update you immediately when I have posted a story. Along with that, there are some added benefits, such as the fact that this story was actually available to those on the mailing list months before I actually posted it. I feel in all fairness I should warn you though, that I have no plans, at the moment, to write anymore GW fanfiction (most of my ideas are for Harry Potter, and I do have one for Sailor Moon). If this mailing list still interests you, please send me an email (not a review or a PM) telling me that you want to join.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

A/N: Hello, hello. Long time no see. I'm sorry that this took so long, but real life does have a tendency to reck the best laid plans. To be honest, I haven't really written anything for over a year now. And although this has been done since before that, whenever I did find a moment between classes, my two jobs, my pregnant best friend, my other friends, my long-distance fiance, and my family to update, I found that had changed something so I couldn't update like I wanted to. So, I do apologize.

Please note that I'm updating this as soon as I'm done formatting it, and hopefully the last two chapters will follow, but that depends on when my fiance gets home, so... shrug

More info on the actual story and the though process behind it can be found after the last chapter (Chapter 06).

Petra Megami Assari


	5. Cloying Voices : Chapter 05

DEDICATED: To Wufei, because you'd have to be really stupid to do what he does in this fic... especially since, at this point, they have to be fairly certain that Duo's insane... don't they?  
WARNING: There's nothing in here that hasn't been in here before so, if you're still reading... _shrug_  
DISCLAIMER: See Chapter 01.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Cloying Voices - Chapter 05

"Then again, common sense isn't as common as it used to be." -Swimdraconian; Circular Reasoning (HP)

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Well, after getting completely off-track, onto the powers which suddenly appeared. Not that I'm complaining, oh no, I like them. So do Shin, Hel, and Solo but back to me… Though, that's kind of redundant since technically they are me and… oh fuck, I'm just going to stop there. Just traveling that far down the path of "no sense" is giving me a fucking migraine. So, we liked the powers but I didn't really know what their extent was. I spent a lot of time just seeing what I could do and what I couldn't; there wasn't much of the latter. In the end I just decided that I'd have to take them one step at a time and then, hopefully, not end up fucking myself over.

I was sleeping when suddenly something woke me. Not moving and showing no sign that I was awake, I listened intently, and used my powers to give myself temporary night vision; my eyes would fucking hurt in the morning but I'd rather have a splitting headache than not be alive. Someone was crawling over the windowsill into the room. They probably didn't think that they had woken me since I can usually sleep through one of Wufei's fucking rants. What they don't realize is that I can sleep through anything but my body instinctively knows when a noise is out of place. When you live on the street and usually sleep during the busy, noisy day, you have to have this ability.

Carefully, I opened my hand and called my gun, which was underneath my pillow, into my hand. I carefully closed my fingers over the hard metal and then put my finger on the trigger. They say it's impossible to sneak up on Heero but no one's ever tried to sneak up on me. Oh, and just because I like to gloat, I can sneak up on Heero no fucking problem, so you see how much that saying's worth. Carefully, I let go of my night vision and then, in a movement that was faster than I usually showed myself as being, I made my move. At the same time I turned on the lights with my powers, pointing the gun at the intruder.

It didn't really surprise me to see Wufei standing there, but it did really fucking piss me off. "What in the fuck do you think you're doing?" I asked, copying Shin's stare causing Shin to laugh. I noticed that Shin was leaning against the door, Hel was sitting on the bed, and that Solo was sitting cross-legged on the desk. Carefully, keeping a close eye on him, I walked over to the window and pushed the ladder down, closing and latching the window.

"He fucking should be doing you!" Solo yelled and I groaned, shooting a glare at him before turning my attention back to Wufei.

"I said," I repeated, "What the fuck do you think you're doing?"

"Duo?" he asked, almost hesitantly. "Is that you?" Oh, right, I'd forgotten that I'd aged. Shin snorted at me and I flashed a glare at him. I turned in time to see Wufei look in surprise at the door before turning to me in confusion.

"Yeah, it's me," I said. I looked him up and down and then asked, "Where's Yuy?"

He looked at me startled. "What do you mean?"

I snorted and replied, "I know that you wouldn't go in this alone, not after I shot Quatre. So where is Yuy?"

I saw defiance cross his face and watched as his lips pressed together in a sign that he wasn't going to say anything.

"Oh, just fucking shoot him already!" Shin said, throwing his arms up in the air. "He's a fucking anal bastard, just shoot him and rid the world of his inane prattle."

I glared at Shin. "Listen, you bastard. I'll fucking him shoot him if I want to and no one's going to tell me when. Not even you! So fucking back off!" Then I turned back to Wufei who looked scared shitless.

"Who are talking to, Maxwell?" he asked, quietly.

"Shinigami, and he's under the impression that I should shoot you. So you'd better fucking tell me what I want to know, or I might listen to him!" Wufei stared at me and for the first time I saw fear in his eyes. "So now you decided to be fucking afraid of me! You should have been fucking afraid as soon as you realized that I wasn't acting like how you fucking thought I was supposed to act! Didn't the shot at Quatre give you a hint?" I'll admit it, I was getting a little hysterical by this point.

"Duo," I saw Helen get off the bed out of the corner of my eye. "Duo, calm down. You've been stuck in your room for three days now, of course they were worried…"

"They weren't fucking worried! They just wanted to beat me up for hurting the innocent-fuck," I stated calmly and I wasn't surprised that Wufei didn't contradict me. I could only imagine what Wufei was thinking, sitting there watching me argue with someone he couldn't fucking see or hear. Well, at least now he knew that I'd fallen off the deep end. Maybe he wouldn't fuck with me anymore.

Solo stood up and I knew from the wicked grin on his face that he was in the mood to tease. "Can't we just all get along? Look, you have Wufei standing in front of you and you have a bed to the side. Why not use your resources?"

I laughed out loud and told him, "Sorry, Solo, but I'm not fucking Wufei and that's the end of discussion."

Shin laughed his cold laugh as we all noticed Wufei turn in interesting shade of red. "Wow," Hel said. "I didn't think it was possible for a human to turn that color."

I laughed and edged over to my bed, pulling out the other handgun there, pointing this one at the door. "So, if I know you anal-retentive jackasses good enough, and trust me, I do, then Heero should be bursting through that door in…" I looked at the clock. "Two… One…"

And, right on cue, Heero burst through the door, Shin moving smoothly out of the way, watching Heero who had his gun drawn and pointing straight at me, freezing as he saw that I had two guns out. I winked at Wufei, "Am I good or what, Wu-man?"

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

For those of you that are interested, I still offer a mailing list. Joining the mailing list comes with many benefits. I will update you immediately when I have posted a story. Along with that, there are some added benefits, such as the fact that this story was actually available to those on the mailing list months before I actually posted it. I feel in all fairness I should warn you though, that I have no plans, at the moment, to write anymore GW fanfiction (most of my ideas are for Harry Potter, and I do have one for Sailor Moon). If this mailing list still interests you, please send me an email (not a review or a PM) telling me that you want to join.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

A/N: Please see the Author's Notes at the end of the next chapter.

_Petra Megami Assari_


	6. Cloying Voices : Chapter 06

A/N: Due to the fact that several people have added this to their alert list, I felt the need to go ahead and clarify, "This is the end of the story!" The chances of me adding to this story is absolutely zilch. The only chance that this story has is to be rewritten, and even that is very, very low, considering that I've basically left the Gundam Wing fandom. Sorry, guys! I really appreciate you reading the story, though, and hope that you'll stick with me to other fandoms.

DEDICATED: And, lastly, to Heero, because every single other person in this story has been given a dedication so... I figured Heero should get one too!  
WARNING: Again... it's been covered. Been there done that... etc... etc...  
DISCLAIMER: See Chapter 01

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Cloying Voices - Chapter 06

"It is better to take what does not belong to you than to let it lie around neglected." -Unknown

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Wufei glared and slowly edged toward Heero, continuing when I didn't tell him to stop. He moved extremely carefully, as though making any sudden movements around me was a bad idea… actually, at this point, it was.

"Yuy," he said and a smile twitched my lips as Shin pantomimed stabbing them with a knife and raised an eyebrow at me, as though saying, 'Ah, come on!' "He's lost his mind. He keeps talking to people who aren't here."

I laugh at that and I watch as Solo gets red in the face. "Not here!? Fucker! I'm here and I'll fucking kill you for that fucking comment!" Hel, however, gets up and holds onto Solo, soothing him so that he doesn't get up and do something he might regret… if he can do anything… Of course, he is me, so I suppose he might be able to call forth enough magic to make his fist physical and… well… that wouldn't be good.

"Tut tut," I said, very slowly, so slowly they didn't notice, edging closer to them. "Now you made Solo mad." I glanced toward the bed where Hel was still holding Solo. "Good thing that Hel's here or he might have beat you up."

Heero looks at me for a minute and then asks, "Have you lost your fucking mind?"

I laugh, the sound not even bordering on sane, and reply, "Lost that a long damn time ago. You fuckers just hadn't noticed yet!" Solo finally lost his anger at this and started cracking up. He has the same sense of humor as me… Did I mention I like him?

They turned, suddenly, as I pushed a vase off the table in the hallway. Using that to my advantage, I used my magic and my own strength to push them out the door and into the hallway. The fuckers cried out in shock and Heero, reflexively, shot as I hurriedly closed the door. I couldn't help the cry of pain that escaped as I quickly shut the door, locking it. Hel quickly rushed over and put her hand on my neck; it was a fucking strange feeling, like feeling water suddenly wash over my wound. I sighed as I managed to get back to my bed, my head already feeling light and my chest feeling tight. Damn fucker! He must have hit something fucking important… my head was already feeling light as I lay down and I saw Solo's face above me, gone white with worry.

"FUCK!" Solo said and I could vaguely hear Shin laughing in the background. "Fuck! That fucking bastard hit him in an artery in his neck! He can't fucking breath!"

Ah… I thought distantly, as though my head were full of fog, so that's why it's so hard to breathe… I wanted to laugh and, tried, but I found I couldn't call up enough breath to finish it. Distantly I heard Hel crying and Solo yelling for help… though who he was calling for, I don't think even he knew. Fuck… I didn't realize it would hurt so much to die. I could feel Shin's smile, even if I couldn't see it. Damn fucker… guess he'll have me in the end… The last thought that went through my head, was that I wished I could have seen Trowa just once more… to hear him quiet the voices and to know, as he did so, that I loved him for it.

The sudden sharp sting of pain blazed through me like fire in my veins and my eyes opened wide, without seeing anything even as my head fell back in a wordless scream. For a long time I could little other than clutch desperately at the sheets and try to catch my breath; every breath felt as though fire was entering and exiting my lungs. Fuck! I kept thinking that over and over again. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck! Breathing became easier, slowly, far too slowly, and I lay down, resting on the bed, my eyes closed again, feeling as though all the strength had escape me. Motherfucker, motherfucker! I was going to kill that fucking bastard… I trailed off as I realized that I should be fucking dead, hell, that I had died… I slowly pried my eyes open before closing them as hot pain flared from the sudden light.

"Wait a minute, let me close the blinds," a voice said, and I heard the rustle of clothing and blinds as the person apparently did as they said they would. My brain, still unable to work beyond chanting 'fuck' from the pain, couldn't seem to place the voice. I knew, without a doubt however, that it wasn't Shin, Hel, or Solo and that made me realize that I couldn't hear any of the little fuckers.

Carefully, I opened my eyes, black spots sprinkling my vision. "Who's there?" I asked, still unable to see, everything still black.

"Trowa," he replied and I felt a cool hand on my neck. "You're lucky that I heard Solo or you would have died."

"Heard Solo?" I asked, feeling confused, as I finally managed to figure out which black blob Trowa was. "But you can't hear Solo… he's just a fucking voice inside me head."

There was soft laughter and, suddenly, the darkness melted away, leaving me with one of the most beautiful things I had ever seen: Trowa laughing. I stared, fucking enraptured at the sight; I wouldn't have been able to tear my eyes away even if the anal-twins had come through the door with guns blazing. "Yes, he's a voice inside you… but didn't you ever stop to think with your new powers that you might have telepathy?"

"How do you…" I trailed off as Trowa leaned forward and I saw that he looked… different… Older, with a fucking dark green streak through his hair, his eyes a light green color that wasn't natural.

"Did you think that you were the only one that the Zero system affected like that?" Trowa whispered, leaning forward to gently trail fingers over the silver-white streak that was in my hair.

"But… how… what…?" I couldn't seem to make a single coherent thought, the memory of Trowa laughing still fresh in my memory.

"I hid it, which is what you should have done," he said.

"Oh… I didn't even think…"

"No, you didn't," he agreed with me and then cocked his head, as though staring at me from a different perspective would make it easier to figure me out. Not fucking likely. "But it's okay, I took care of it."

"What do you mean, you fucking took care of it?" I suddenly felt hysteria rise as I imagined it getting back to Dr. J that Trowa and I had killed off his little experiment. Great, I had just come back from the dead but I was going to fucking die anyways.

"I didn't kill them," Trowa replied, laughter dancing in his eyes at the thought. "I just… improved… their memories." I stared at him in utter surprise. "So… you should probably put your old skin back on and make an appearance downstairs at some point."

"Did you heal me?" I finally asked, my brain finally able to make fucking sentences without undue thought.

"Just a little. If Heero had hit almost anywhere else your body would have automatically started healing itself but… it happened too fast and you died too quickly. The combination of blood loss and the inability for you to breath made it impossible for your magic to start working before you lost consciousness and, that, coupled with the loss of energy made it so that your body couldn't heal itself. I simply… healed you to the point where you could heal yourself." Trowa stood up then. "I should go." Yeah… I suppose he had met his fucking word quota for the next two weeks with those last two couple little speeches.

Instead of walking toward the door, though, he turned back to me. "Duo…" he whispered and then, in a movement that my still slightly muddled brain couldn't keep up with, he leaned down to kiss me. Oh fuck yeah… I immediately participated in the kiss but soon, far too soon, he backed off, breathing heavily as he stared at me, cocking his head again. "See you later." And then the motherfucker was gone, leaving me there with a blazing pain in my head, in my neck, and in my pants. Fucker, I thought with a grin, we'll just see who gets the fucking last laugh. Then, carefully, I stood up, ready to confront the anal-twins and pussy boy who, according to Trowa, wouldn't remember a thing. How fucking sweet is that?

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

For those of you that are interested, I still offer a mailing list. Joining the mailing list comes with many benefits. I will update you immediately when I have posted a story. Along with that, there are some added benefits, such as the fact that this story was actually available to those on the mailing list months before I actually posted it. I feel in all fairness I should warn you though, that I have no plans, at the moment, to write anymore GW fanfiction (most of my ideas are for Harry Potter, and I do have one for Sailor Moon). If this mailing list still interests you, please send me an email (not a review or a PM) telling me that you want to join.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

A/N: About the story itself... this isn't really the DID (Dissociative Identity Disorder; better known as Multiple Personality Disorder) fic that I wanted to do. A fic that really deals with DID as I would like to write about it takes a lost of work, simply because of the fact that you're in reality creating several new character that together have to equal a character that is well known and loved. It's difficult enough to create one well-rounded original character, let alone several. Since this fic started out as simply an experimentation of a different voice for Duo, I added in some other ideas that I had wanted to play with, such as the DID, as well as the Zero System pulling something extra out of one of the Gundam Pilots. So, I admit, that this is a little mish-mashed, and probably too rushed, considering the depth that could have been given it. However, at this point in time it's been at least a year or two since I actually wrote the fic, and I can't find it in myself to rewrite it, so it will stay as it is. Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed the ride, even though it's been a bumpy, rushed one.

_Petra Megami Assari_


End file.
